Dream

OK, so Matthew told me that I didn't need to write about this. That it's awful and people don't need to hear it. But I can't be the only one to have a dream like this, so I wanted to share. Sorry if you find it disturbing... So did I.
The night before last I had this dream:
I felt as though I was laying down, surrounded by water. (You know when you take a bath and you put your head under but not your mouth, nose and eyes... but your ears are under so you can hear your breathing and your heart beating really loud. You can also hear voices talking, but they sound sort of muffled and if you try, you can make out what they say or you can just tune them out if you want?) Well that's what it felt and sounded like. Looking down on me were 6 ladies (I know that one was my mom, one was Janie, and one was one of the gals I work with... I'm not sure who the others were, but I'm pretty sure I felt like I knew them). All the ladies were talking to me and trying to get me to do things/hand me things. But I didn't move... I couldn't move. So I said 'I just feel like I'm paralyzed.' Then all the ladies looked at each other and with a look of sorrow and pity they looked back at me and one said 'that's how your supposed to feel when your baby dies.'
BAM!
The dream was over!
I sat right up in bed! With out even trying to understand what was going on I stumbled out of bed and rushed down the hall towards Mallory's bedroom. I was sick to my stomach! WAS my baby dead? Why would I have such a horrible dream? I need to see my little girl! I didn't even have my barrings about me, my head was spinning, it was dark and I know that I fell against the wall a time or two as I fumbled down the hallway. Without even trying to be quite I opened Mallory's bedroom door and leaned over her crib wondering to myself is she ok? Is she breathing? Is she ALIVE????? I held my breath and leaned my ear close to her sweet little chubby face, straining to hear any signs of life. My knees practically gave out if relief when I felt her sweet exhale against my cheek. My baby is alive and all is right with the world.
I tiptoed back to my bed, climbed under the still warm covers and lay there. My heart still racing and my head still reeling. All I could think about was how incredible the power of a dream is and how amazing it is that someone that has only been in my life for 4 1/2 months has such a tight hold on me. On my heart, my breath, my survival!